Courting in the Tumbuka Tribe

From Great North Road

Courting in the Tumbuka Tribe

If you live in the Western world, you have seen many Hollywood romantic movies and read romantic novels, you probably believe one thing: the best way to express love and romantic feelings is through flowers, kisses, and especially a romantic dinner by candle light. You might also believe that love and romance may not exist in other non-Western cultures. After all, aren't marriages in these non-Western cultures miserable and practically between strangers since they are arranged?

Nothing could be further from the truth. Not only do single young men and women have choices, romantic love often blooms. The only exception might be that the romantic love starts and is expressed differently from the West.

Take, for example, among the Tumbuka tribe of Eastern Zambia in Southern Africa. The single young women in the village are known as mbeta and they all sleep in the nthanganeni; a house or hut for young single women. On the other hand, young single men are known as jaha and they sleep in the mphala; a hut for single young men. When the time to seek a marriage partner comes, a jaha (young man) will dress at his best and walk often for miles to a village where he knows there is a particular mbeta; young woman he either knows or has heard about through the grape vine to be attractive and eligible for marriage. Once he arrives at the village, he is shown nthanganeni (single women's hut) and word quickly travels around that he has come, say for Jane.

There is tremendous excitement in the village as children are sent and gleefully scramble to fetch Jane who might be bathing and drawing water at the river. Once Jane learns that there is a Jaha waiting for her in the nthanganeni, she goes bonkers with sheer excitement and anticipation. How is she going to do her hair. What dress will she wear? Is he handsome? Will she like him?

Once the two see each other and if their chemistry is just right, it might be love at first sight, in which case electrical sparks will fly. But quite often they may find there is no mutual attraction and either one of them could back off. But if there is attraction and she accepts the proposal, the period of romantic love and courtship begins. This is the period of romantic love which is full of drama and has many legendary stories among the Tumbuka people.

Because the two lovers cannot stand being away from each other, there have been kusomphola (elopements). Depending on the distance between the villages, he might visit her practically every day. The two of them are allowed to spend hours alone in the nthanganeni (single young women's hut). Meals, often of nshima with delicious chicken, are served to the two lovers by the woman's family. Since any sex is taboo before marriage, the romance is even more intense and blissful. Stories say that lovers stare and gaze into each other's eyes lovingly, smile, act silly with one another, and playfully feed each other. Passers-by can hear loud hearty laughter, conversations in low tones, giggling, and silence. Giggling, noisy, and snoopy kids are shooed away from outside the hut so that the couple can have privacy.

When the man departs later in the evening, she escorts him. The lovers might exchange chikole; a personal possession as a symbol of commitment and love for one another. The woman might give him her bangle, bracelet, her ear ring, her scarf, and perhaps traditionally most intimate, one strand of brightly colored beads from inside her waist. The man might give her his white well-pressed handkerchief, or a chithumwa (small charm or love object he made he might always carry in his pocket)

Among the Tumbuka, romantically involved young women are known to become absent minded, to stare blankly into space, to lose appetite, to be tearful and lonesome. Some young women compose songs dedicated to their lover. The women sing the song while pounding corn with a pestle and mortar. Young men in love might be miserable and restless every day and can't wait to travel to the other village to visit their lover. They might persuade their lover to elope in defiance of custom and elders. The romantic lovers are teased by their friends and relatives.

Contributed by Mwizenge Tembo.

April 24, 2003