Northern News

From Great North Road

I don't expect that the Northern News is still being published today but it was our main source of local and world news back in 1958. We junior Shift Officers in the N.R.P. would have our peace disturbed while on night duty by being telephoned by NN reporters every night asking if anything newsworthy was happening on our patch. This was usually around 3 am when everything was as quiet as a morgue and so the stock answer was, "No. Everything is quiet."

That was until one young Inspector (who shall be nameless) in Mufulira, bored to tears, thought he would be funny and said, "Not a lot except that twelve elephants have fallen down the mine shaft at Muf. West."

To his amazement, the reporter took it seriously and began to ask for more details. It was quickly apparent that here was obviously a cub reporter and newly arrived in the country too by the sound of it. The temptation was irresistable; this poor lad had clearly never been near a mine shaft and had probably only seen elephants in the movies.

"How did it happen?"

"Well," says the Inspector, "They haven't got very good night vision and didn't see the big hole in the ground."

"Why didn't the others stop when the first one fell in?"

"Well you see, they were walking in single file, each gripping the tail of the one ahead of him with his trunk. If they had stopped they would have pulled the arse of the one in front."

(Sounds of excited scribbling) "What's happening now?"

"Well, we're waiting for daylight and then we'll lower a bucket and pull them up one by one."

"A bucket?"

"Oh yes, we've got some bloody big buckets here."

The farce only ended when the policeman couldn't carry on for laughing and some of you Northerners may remember the NN editorial next day when the Mufulira Police got a severe wigging for being "childish,irresponsible and wasting valuable reporting time." One can only imagine the poor reporter proudly presenting his Editor with his first scoop! If he should ever read this; I'm sorry. Honestly.

Contributed by Bob Smith

July 17, 2001