Traction power

From Great North Road

Gordon Garlick's story reminded me of a similar one that happened in 1978.

My brother, Charles, had travelled up to Rufunsa to collect tomato stakes and on the way back, the truck had an airlock. So he left the staff that were with him to push the cab of the truck forward and he disappeared into the bush.

He was just settling himself into position when he heard a gun being cocked behind him and a voice asking him 'What are you doing?' He turned around very slowly and looking down the barrel of an AK 47 with his trousers around his ankles, he answered, 'I am about to excrete'. To which the reply was 'Huh?' Deciding that a short reply was in order Charles said 'I am about to have a shit' to which the reply was 'Oh, OK'.

Charles then came to the conclusion that to say you shit yourself when you get a fright is a total myth, which was perhaps rather fortunate for the holder of the AK 47 who stood watching him until Charles decided he was wasting his time and returned to sort out the problem with the truck.

But a few weeks before this, he had travelled up to Rufunsa by car to arrange for the tomato stakes to be cut. On the way back, he was stopped at a roadblock and they asked to check in the boot.

The car had just been in for repairs and one of the parts that had been replaced was still in the boot. Unfortunately, this part looked pretty much like a landmine and many people will remember that any white person travelling around was in all likelihood a Rhodesian spy.

As he opened the boot, the police officer jumped back about ten feet and with gun at the ready, pointed to this spare part and shouted 'What is that?' Being the cool guy that my brother is, he said 'It is a converter' to which he got the usual reply 'Huh?'

This time he thought perhaps an explanation was in order, so he said that it was something that converted latent power into traction power. 'Traction' was the word that did it - it was very much like the word 'tractor' which was something that was well understood. So, having a bit of time to waste, Charles went into a lengthy clarification of how he was a farmer and that the car, running on diesel, could be converted into a tractor which was used for ploughing his lands and planting his crops.

He proceeded to jack up the car and then invited his new friend to climb under the car with him and showed him where you fitted it, but unfortunately he couldn't do it today because he hadn't brought the necessary tools. And when they had returned everything to it's correct place, the police officer, shaking his head, with his hand over his mouth said 'Uh, uh, bwana - it is too smart. You may go'

Contributed by Heather Chalcraft.

November 2001